Nowadays, I am back working full-time and my daughter is four. Image by Michelle Nash Commit to Making Creating Space for Friendship I’ve realized that if I want to be having playdates for my daughter, if I want to be going to dinner with other couples we like, or if I want to meet someone for a drink, I need to make that happen for myself instead of sitting around and wishing someone would invite me to do it. I know that it also makes other people feel good when I invite them to do things, and so I accept that this is a time in my life where I might be initiating a lot of the hanging out, and I’m fine with that. I like to be invited to things because it makes me feel good. When that happens, I remember that if someone doesn’t want to hang out with me, they will say so (or decline an invitation)! Sometimes, I feel resentment start to build up if it seems like people aren’t initiating hanging out. My husband and I invite people for dinner, we have playdates, and we plan trips. I have people over to our house all the time. Well, I can confidently say that I’ve learned to let that go-and it’s definitely paid off. In the past, if I put effort into initiating things, I expected the other person to do the same. #IM FINE SAVE ME HOW TO#When it came to learning how to make friends as an adult, there was an unspoken obstacle I knew I needed to overcome. Image by Kelly Scogin Go After What You Want The experience taught me that I didn’t have to instantly love someone for it to turn into a relationship down the line. I kept inviting them to hang out and a few of those friendships took off. On the other hand, there were also those playdates where I sort of clicked with the person. I had playdates with people I didn’t click with, and that was fine-I just moved on. Part of this simply comes with the territory of learning how to make friends as an adult. But here’s the thing: I survived the awkward, uncomfortable moments all in the name of friendship-and trust me, you will too. It was uncomfortable at first, and there were definitely some where the conversation didn’t flow. I started having other moms from our preschool over for playdates. I have always been the kind of person who mostly had other friends who were like me (a tattooed hipster with a very large coffee permanently in my hand). For one thing, I just didn’t know how to go about it. When I decided I was going to try to make more friends, I felt overwhelmed and stressed by the prospect. If you are feeling like I was, read on for some of the insights I’ve gleaned over My Year of Friendship-plus the steps I took to learning how to make friends as an adult. So, I decided that 2021 would be the year of building relationships, and *spoiler* I’ve succeeded! I have several close friends who are moms, but honestly, there’s so much else that bonds us. I also knew that my toddler’s life would be enriched if I could extend myself. I didn’t feel particularly lonely, but I did feel like it was something that was lacking in my life. When I left that career to go on a year-long maternity leave, I realized that I hadn’t cultivated any female friendships in my new city. After leaving that job and moving to Austin, I dedicated myself to building a career. I spent a big part of my twenties working at Starbucks, a job where you inherit a group of friends and a community. I had always been someone who makes friends easily, but sort of just by circumstance. I am a pretty classic introvert, and I would run in and out of the preschool pick-up, sunglasses and baseball cap on. If you’re wondering whether or not I knew how to make friends as an adult, well, hopefully that description provides enough insight. I looked around and realized that I had lots of acquaintances but very few close friends and NO friends with kids. In the summer of 2020, that left me in a strange place. Over the course of seven years, I moved to a new city, had a new baby, and left my 9-5.
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